How To Forgive

sharont6 | Emotional Healing, Forgiveness, Uncategorized | 06 21st, 2010  |  No Comments »

How Do I Forgive?

As you begin the act of forgiveness, it helps to focus on the healing you want, not the pain you are feeling. According to Emmitt Fox, the first step in forgiveness is to be willing to forgive. When you reach that point the process will be much easier. A conscious decision must be made.

You must acknowledge your own inner pain. These feelings need to be expressed in non-hurtful ways. Writing in a journal may help. Dr. John Gray has a wonderful technique called “The Forgiveness Letter”. This letter is actually written in three parts.
Part 1: The Feeling Letter (write your feelings down)
Part 2: The Response Letter (write the response you would like to receive from the person)
Part 3: The Forgiveness Letter (write a letter forgiving them)
This process can be very helpful and allows you to express your feelings. These letters do not need to be mailed.

  • Try to remember good times with this person. Or good things that happened. Happy holidays. Gifts. Anything you can remember. Focusing on the good helps us let go of the bad.
  • Affirmations may help. Make up an affirmation (sentence forgiving the person) and write or say it over and over. At first it will be difficult to write these affirmations. Eventually it will become easier. You’re almost there.
  • The hardest part comes last. Bless the person. Even if you don’t mean it, ask for good things to come to this person. When you reach the point where you truly do want good things to happen to them, you have forgiven. (Add this person to your prayer list.)Forgiveness is not forgetting, pretending the event didn’t happen, nor is it excusing the behavior. Some people may have to be forgiven more than once. If it’s someone you want to have a relationship with, forgiveness may be an ongoing process. But to forgive does not mean that you have to reconcile with the person. That is a separate decision. Forgiving is letting go of your anger, pain and bitterness. (It’s not really about the other person at all. It’s done to make you feel better, not them.) It does not mean you have to set yourself up to be abused again and again. The act of forgiveness takes the poison of anger out of your body. It cleanses your system and may actually prevent illness. It is a gift you give to yourself. The decision to forgive shows a level of maturity that is admirable. When we choose to forgive we are also setting a good example for our children.Joyce Meyers also has one more good point worth mentioning. Once you make the decision to forgive, your feelings won’t automatically change. The inner work has begun but the actual forgiveness takes longer. Your feelings are not you. Don’t let them control you. Press on. If your decision to forgive is real, it will happen. Have faith.
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    In order to heal, you must forgive. Express your feelings in a forgiveness letter or consider writing affirmations.

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